A lot of attention is rightly being paid to nursing home residents at risk of COVID-19. But there’s another risk: the isolation and loneliness of aging parents who are home alone. Your parents are increasingly vulnerable to scammers, especially if they are using social media, shopping online, or arranging for the first time home deliveries of groceries or medicine.
An aging relative – an active, educated woman in her 80s – recently had all her personal data compromised when she shopped online at a fake website that she thought was Jockey.com.
It has been an ongoing challenge to sort everything out, and she remains at risk. So please learn from her mistake and talk to you aging parents about these 10 things:
- I’m telling you these things because I care about you and don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Between new technologies and pandemic precautions, it’s a scary – and lonely – world out there right now for aging parents. Tell them that studies have shown that fraud is increasing during the pandemic and you want them to be prepared.
- Don’t share personal information on Facebook. Taking quizzes (“Which superhero are you?”, posting old photos, and sharing any personal information can make you vulnerable on the internet.
- When shopping online, be sure you’re on the right website. For example, if you aren’t on target.com, then you might be on a shadow site, where you may think you are placing an order but someone is actually scamming you, getting your credit card number and additional information.
- If someone contacts you asking for money, be suspicious. The fake story might be “your granddaughter was in an accident and we need a credit card number to ensure payment for her treatment” or “you owe a tax payment and you could go to jail if you don’t pay.” Verify any unusual requests from friends or family members. A scammer could pretend to be your friend and ask you for help. This is a very widespread problem: At my local elementary school, our PTA treasurer gets requests all the time from people pretending to be a PTA board member and asking for gift cards, bank account info, etc. It’s shameful that PTAs are targeted. And it’s even more shameful that seniors are targeted. Don’t fall for it.
- Better to be firm than nice. Scammers may use charm, intimidation, or fear as a technique to gain your parent’s trust. Does your aging parent feel obliged to be polite, even to a stranger on the phone or over email? Tell them that these days, it’s okay to tell a stranger who calls you, “I’m not interested. Please take me off your list.” It’s not being rude, it’s being safe.
- NEVER give anyone access to your computer! This is a big one, and it is surprisingly easy for someone to talk your aging parent into clicking on a link which will give them access to your computer and help them fix whatever “problem” they’ve identified.
- If you do get tricked or scammed, please tell me. It’s an upsetting and embarrassing thing to go through, and your aging parent knows you might be mad or disappointed in them. But they are also likely disappointed in themselves. So make them promise to come to you if something happens. (Or if they aren’t sure if what they just did was legit – you can try to help them sort it out.). Then, you keep your end of the bargain by being supportive and empathic, and making a plan to safeguard their private information (including contacting banks, freezing your credit, changing credit card numbers and passwords).
- Don’t be intimidated by telemedicine. My mom had a cardiology appointment that she cancelled because telemedicine did not make sense to her. “How would they examine me?,” she wondered. But don’t be intimidated. It’s important to keep regular check-ups and make plans for needed procedures and tests.
- If you get scammed, you will continue to be victimized. The follow up scam attempts will been brazen and constant because, essentially, you’ll wind of the informal “suckers list” and multiple people will continue to victimize you. Let your friends and family know to be suspicious of any messages from “you” asking for money or help.
- I’m sorry. (Also: I forgive you.) I know, this seems off topic. But anger and resentment aren’t healthy emotions, and for some of us, we won’t see our aging parents in person for a very long time, if ever again. Try using these words: “This global pandemic has given me new perspective on life, and I hope we can put all our disagreements behind us.” Sometimes you just need the words to make things right.
There are lots of other things you should discuss with your aging parents – including living wills, caregiving preferences, and where key documents are located. These are all important, productive conversations to have with your aging parents. (As a bonus, consider a living history interview. Because my kids are currently learning remotely during this pandemic, we conducted a living history interview – over Zoom – with my 85-year-old father, and learned about his life growing up and his time in the U.S. Army.)
Right now, thousands of scammers are looking for a new victim. Remind your aging parents of the risks of using technology – early and often – so it won’t be them.