The Countdown to Jeremy’s Bar Mitzvah…

May 21, 2020

In 100 days, we will celebrate Jeremy’s Bar Mitzvah.  We have been counting down for 40 months – yes, over three years – since we first learned that August 29, 2020 is when Jeremy would read from the Torah and become a Jewish adult.  Our little Jeremy is (nearly) all grown up.

Our synagogue, B’nai Israel Congregation in Rockville, Maryland, is doing nearly all services online at this time, including Zoom Bar Mitzvahs, Zoom Shiva calls, and Zoom Minyans.  So while we hope to have all our family and friends at the temple for this important day, we are thinking of new ways to mark this special day.

We invite you to do one or more of these things to celebrate Jeremy’s accomplishment:

  1. Record a short video congratulating Jeremy.  We will compile these videos and present it to Jeremy as a reminder of all the love and support he had on this special day.  You can do this as a group or individually; you can make it serious or funny; you can recall your own Bar/Bat Mitzvah; you can tell him you are proud of him; or just say congratulations or Mazel Tov.  (Shh…we are hoping to get a few celebrity hellos into this video, so let us know if you have connections to help us make that happen.). Please send your video no later than August 18 to gailandsteve117@yahoo.com.
  2. Do a mitzvah (good deed) in Jeremy’s honor.  In the 100 days leading up to his Bar Mitzvah, Jeremy will do one mitzvah each day, and we encourage you to do a mitzvah in Jeremy’s honor.  Learn more about mitzvot here:  https://pjlibrary.org/mitzvah.  Some examples are:  calling an elderly relative/friend/neighbor, going on a nature walk and picking up trash, recycling or composting, or donating unused clothes or toys.
  3. Make a donation to SportsPlus.  When Jeremy was very young, he participated in an inclusive, adaptive, sports program.  Jeremy is now volunteering with the program.  SportsPlus, a local Maryland nonprofit, is working to transition its adaptive sports program to an online format to continue serving kids with disabilities during the pandemic.  This is such a good cause, and we are so happy that Jeremy chose to support SportsPlus as his Mitzvah project.  You can make a tax-deductible donation in Jeremy’s honor here:   https://playsportsplus.org/Donate

Thank you for helping us make this event memorable for Jeremy.  And please SAVE THE DATE and plan to celebrate with us the morning of Saturday, August 29, 2020.  Everyone is welcome, and the Zoom link (if necessary) will follow.

Let us know if you have any questions and thank you for supporting Jeremy!

5 Things to Do the Day After an Election

Congratulate the winners.

They’ve spent hours on the campaign trail.  They’ve sacrificed time with their families.  They’ve likely lost a lot of sleep.  And now they are preparing for the job of representing you.  That means they’ll have to get up to speed quickly on a wide range of issues affecting your community.  So reach out and congratulate those who will be representing you.  Remember, you are an expert in your field.  Your expertise is invaluable to elected officials, especially those who are newly taking office.  Briefly introduce yourself and your organization, and suggest meeting to discuss how your organization can help them in their efforts to serve your community.

Reach out to everyone who ran for office.

Everyone loves a winner, but those who run for office and fall short in the voting booth are important, too.  They took a chance, sacrificed their time, and most importantly, they were willing to serve.  And who knows, they may come back next election and win—in which case you’ll need to reach out to them anyway.  There’s no harm in thanking them for running, acknowledging their willingness to serve, and welcoming them to learn more about your organization.  Perhaps they are a future supporter, donor, board member, or volunteer in the making?

Thank people for voting.

Some nonprofit organizations are afraid of participating in any election-related activities to avoid any conflicts with their 501(c) tax-exempt status.  That’s an understandable, albeit cautious approach.  In fact, you may be missing opportunities to engage your community in ways that are perfectly legitimate and fully aligned with your mission.  Encouraging people to vote (as long as you aren’t telling people who to vote for) is your civic responsibility.  The art of sending a Thank You message is largely overlooked these days, making your message even more noticed and appreciated.

Go public.

Make a public statement to reiterate your organization’s mission.  Be specific about how local elected officials have been helpful in the past, and the concrete steps they can take now to show their support.  Use social media to circulate your message.  Ask your local newspaper to publish your statement.  Keep it positive and non-political.  Remember that you exist to serve your community, and your community deserves to hear from you about your successes and challenges.

Put “Election Follow Up” on your next Board Meeting Agenda.

This is a great opportunity to jumpstart your advocacy.  You can ask a Board Member to lead this discussion, or you can invite Speak Up Advocacy to help you.  We can share election results that are most relevant to your organization, play some “networking geography,” and determine tangible next steps to introduce your organization to new elected officials and re-introduce your organization to those who may not be as familiar with how you serve your community.

10 Things to Say to Your Aging Parents

A lot of attention is rightly being paid to nursing home residents at risk of COVID-19.  But there’s another risk:  the isolation and loneliness of aging parents who are home alone.  Your parents are increasingly vulnerable to scammers, especially if they are using social media, shopping online, or arranging for the first time home deliveries of groceries or medicine.

My aging mother – an active, educated woman in her 80s – recently had all her personal data compromised when she shopped online at a fake website that she thought was Jockey.com.

It has been an ongoing challenge to sort everything out, and she remains at risk.  So please learn from her mistake and talk to you aging parents about these 10 things:

  1. I’m telling you these things because I care about you and don’t want anything bad to happen to you.  Between new technologies and pandemic precautions, it’s a scary – and lonely – world out there right now for aging parents.  Tell them that studies have shown that fraud is increasing during the pandemic and you want them to be prepared.
  2. Don’t share personal information on Facebook.  Taking quizzes (“Which superhero are you?”, posting old photos, and sharing any personal information can make you vulnerable on the internet.
  3. When shopping online, be sure you’re on the right website. For example, if you aren’t on target.com, then you might be on a shadow site, where you may think you are placing an order but someone is actually scamming you, getting your credit card number and additional information.
  4. If someone contacts you asking for money, be suspicious.  The fake story might be “your granddaughter was in an accident and we need a credit card number to ensure payment for her treatment” or “you owe a tax payment and you could go to jail if you don’t pay.”  Verify any unusual requests from friends or family members.  A scammer could pretend to be your friend and ask you for help.  This is a very widespread problem:  At my local elementary school, our PTA treasurer gets requests all the time from people pretending to be a PTA board member and asking for gift cards, bank account info, etc.  It’s shameful that PTAs are targeted.  And it’s even more shameful that seniors are targeted.  Don’t fall for it.
  5. Better to be firm than nice.  Scammers may use charm, intimidation, or fear as a technique to gain your parent’s trust.  Does your aging parent feel obliged to be polite, even to a stranger on the phone or over email?  Tell them that these days, it’s okay to tell a stranger who calls you, “I’m not interested. Please take me off your list.”  It’s not being rude, it’s being safe.
  6. NEVER give anyone access to your computer!  This is a big one, and it is surprisingly easy for someone to talk your aging parent into clicking on a link which will give them access to your computer and help them fix whatever “problem” they’ve identified.
  7. If you do get tricked or scammed, please tell me.  It’s an upsetting and embarrassing thing to go through, and your aging parent knows you might be mad or disappointed in them.  But they are also likely disappointed in themselves.  So make them promise to come to you if something happens.  (Or if they aren’t sure if what they just did was legit – you can try to help them sort it out.). Then, you keep your end of the bargain by being supportive and empathic, and making a plan to safeguard their private information (including contacting banks, freezing your credit, changing credit card numbers and passwords).
  8. Don’t be intimidated by telemedicine.  My mom had a cardiology appointment that she cancelled because telemedicine did not make sense to her.  “How would they examine me?,” she wondered.  But don’t be intimidated.  It’s important to keep regular check-ups and make plans for needed procedures and tests.
  9. If you get scammed, you will continue to be victimized.  The follow up scam attempts will been brazen and constant because, essentially, you’ll wind of the informal “suckers list” and multiple people will continue to victimize you.  Let your friends and family know to be suspicious of any messages from “you” asking for money or help.  
  10. I’m sorry.  (Also: I forgive you.)  I know, this seems off topic.  But anger and resentment aren’t healthy emotions, and for some of us, we won’t see our aging parents in person for a very long time, if ever again.  Try using these words: “This global pandemic has given me new perspective on life, and I hope we can put all our disagreements behind us.”  Sometimes you just need the words to make things right.

There are lots of other things you should discuss with your aging parents – including living wills, caregiving preferences, and where key documents are located.  These are all important, productive conversations to have with your aging parents.  (As a bonus, consider a living history interview.  Because my kids are learning remotely during this pandemic, we conducted a living history interview with my 85-year-old father, and learned about his life growing up and his time in the U.S. Army.)  

Right now, thousands of scammers are looking for a new victim.  Remind your aging parents of the risks of using technology – early and often – so it won’t be them.

When (Jury) Duty Calls…

Civic Duty is defined as “the responsibility of a citizen” and recently I fulfilled one of our nation’s great civic responsibilities: serving on a jury. 

It was my first time serving, and while it took me away from work and family responsibilities, I really didn’t mind. It was actually interesting, both the subject matter and the process (so different from Law & Order!). But more importantly, I knew I was performing an important civic duty. 

For me, awareness of civic duty started very early. My very first memory is from age three when I went to vote with my mom (I remember that my older brothers had to wait outside because they were for the other guy!). And while I don’t enjoy every single civic duty (paying taxes comes to mind) I know that these civic duties are the foundation of our nation’s democracy. 

Our nation’s founders included advocacy in the Bill of Rights (“the right of the people…to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”) And isn’t there plenty to be aggrieved about?

Elected officials actually appreciate hearing directly from constituents—it helps them build stronger ties to their community and understand the future needs of their community. (I worked for several members of Congress so I know this from experience.)

If you are not making your case, your viewpoint will often get overlooked when it does (or doesn’t) come up in future policy debates or budget battles.

There’s no time like the present to start making your case and telling your story.